Dr. Phil Operates a Luxury Chariot Wash in Ancient Rome

At sunrise beside the Appian Way, Dr. Phil runs Rome’s most exclusive chariot wash, polishing bronze fittings and scrubbing marble-dust splatter from the wheels. Senators wait beneath silk awnings while he inspects every axle with the grave concern usually reserved for family crises.

When a patrician complains about a stubborn stain, Dr. Phil leans against the chariot and asks whether the real dirt might be emotional. Moments later, attendants rinse the horses, buff the gold trim, and present a laurel-scented vehicle fit for the Forum. Today's completely unnecessary Dr. Phil moment.